This week I keep on thinking about my life and future. Until the stage that I even calculate how long I should live and checking which country that I should go next. Haha! Is it too much? Living alone abroad has taught me to appreciate my journey. Aihh, I really feel that my shoulder is heavy now. Too many things to do.
But, I must always be thankful to god for all of the gift, blessing, opportunities, and many more! Even though my life is not perfect, not that successful, not that rich, but the gift is much more than my own effort.
I still remember, 7 years back when I was in USM; the future seems uncertain. I don't know what should I do after graduate. A lot of bad stories like some seniors facing difficulties to get job. But, in my mind I always remember this: "If we always try our very best in anything that we do, we will be successful, anywhere, anytime". This is the quote from my homeroom teacher (MRSM Mersing). I miss her, I miss MRSM Mersing too!
After graduated, I am not well verse in english. Most of the time, I really need to crack my brain to combine few words to build a sentence each time I need to communicate in english 😶. Sad, but it is true.
My first job - working as a research assistant in sport science lab. It was so fun. Playing with rats, and help the master student to conduct research. That time, as I remembered 3 students came from Iran. So, it is like chicken talking to a cat (I am the cat). The cat try to listen and understand what the heck is he talking about. But, both chicken and cat are passionate enough to listen and try to help each other. I slowly improve from there. So, just practice!
Then, I feel like I want to change environment and move to a better place to get better income. The flow was easy, and my application was accepted after few days of interview. My colleagues that time, all of them speak english as their first language (sweating!). Days was a little bit more challenging, because most of the patient are the VIP type. And I am just a kampung girl. Correction: A kampung girl with a high ambition.
I know that after 1 years+ of working I can get better income. Then, I move again to another company. This round, I need to deal with many more foreigners from Indonesia, Iran, China, Korea, and even Kazakh.. Haha! Interesting isn't it. I guess that it is my fate to always be surrounded by foreigners - of course for a good reason. That time, I feel like I am the only muslim. And they ask a lot about the religion, the lifestyle, and I can say initially, they have bad perception towards me. Muslim lady is perceived as very close minded, cannot shake hands even just for greetings and to show respect, cannot involve in sports, cannot sit together to have fun and discuss about anything. After a while, things has change. At least, in their mind they will remember me as the muslim girl that they can always hang out with, and discuss about almost everything 😎. Still keep in touch with them.
My journey continues as I change the job again (omg. I am not loyal). That time I only think of to get out from the workplace as I need more time for myself and I should learn something new quickly before I get old. There you go, I was accepted after 4 rounds of interview. I was accepted and the company send me to Singapore for training. Hmm.. I was scared, nervous, and I dont know what should I do as a start. Same thing. Again, I receive feedback that they afraid I cannot do well. Also, same perception - people that wear tudung normally are not open minded.
Since then, I feel like.. I really want to show and prove to the world that people that wear tudung also open minded. We are smart as well. We pray 5x per day but it doesnt limit us until we cannot sit together and talk. You can always drink wine and beer, while I can enjoy my green tea. You can eat pork next to me and I will not feel offended at all. I am normal. I can celebrate Chinese New Year. I celebrate new year too. We can exchange gift during Christmas. I can go to church if you need someone to go to church with you. I can read bible, no problem and still continue to be a muslim. Being a muslim is not difficult at all. We can be good friends even we have different religion. In short, I want to change the perception. The task is not easy, but it is doable.
It is true that in my day-to-day life, I live to prove to people that I CAN DO THIS. At the same time, to change other perception like Malays are normally lazy, cannot talk in english, not independent, cannot survive and the list goes on.. Seriously, I feel tired to live everyday just to prove that hey,, you are wrong. But, I realize that it change me to a better person. To always remind me to always work hard. Honestly, only after close to 2 years people really notice the good things about you, they believe you and thank god I am patient enough. There are days that I feel I couldn't handle the pressure, but I remember the magic quotes. At least, I want to be remembered as the talented and young muslim+malay+kampung girl, brought up in a small kampung, not even attended pre-school. I want to be seen as a strong person that has unique way of thinking. My idol is Yuna 😊 (just want to let you know. Hehe).
I have a lot of interesting story to share with regards to my solo working trip in few countries. In less than 5 years, I realize that I have change a lot. 5 years back, I don't think that I even have a dream to travel alone. Now, I get used to it. 5 years back, I am not confident at all. Now, at least I can talk and express my opinion freely even sometimes it is ridiculous. I realize that with courage, everything is doable. My fighting spirit is multiple times bigger than my body hehe.. I want to inspire many more people to do great things in life. Till then, cheers!